Beneath the Mask Lies but a Man
by theunknownvoice
Summary: The mask is who you are and the person underneath is just a forgotten memory. Robin is confused not only about his past, but also about the identity of RedX and his feelings for his best friend. RobRaeRedX


Beneath the Mask Lies but a Man

By: theunknownvoice

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

_You close your eyes and try to sleep but it doesn't come._

_That feeling at the pit of your stomach that tells you that you majorly fucked up wasn't disappearing. _

_Roy's constant mutterings of "You wonder why no one can get near you Dick? Who the hell do you think you're fooling? You're just like you're old man."_

_You don't want the looks that Garth, Donna and Wally are giving you. You don't want the words that Roy is saying to be true. You just want this to be over._

_You want them all to leave you alone because you can't handle it. It's like your in a box and the others are pushing you to come out of that box. They want you to be something you're not. They want you to be a happy person and that's not who you are. They want you to take off the mask. _

_But you can't. You can't admit to them or yourself that the mask is all that's left. You can't admit that the mask isn't hiding the real you. The mask is who you are and the person underneath is just a forgotten memory._

He had been pushing her away for the past few months and still she didn't get the picture. He didn't want to hurt her but he was reaching his breaking point. He didn't need to expose her to his life. He didn't need to taint her light with his darkness because all she would ever be was a friend. She may love him but he knew deep in the pit of his stomach that he didn't, wouldn't, and could never love her.

Starfire, however, didn't get the point.

"Friend Robin, would you go to movies and dinner with me?" Starfire asked her green eyes shining with hopefulness.

"I'm busy," he mumbled.

"But friend Robin-"

"I'm not interested," he answered coldly.

The alien girl's face dropped as she walked away.

"Why don't you come out with us? We're going to the arcade," Beast Boy said excitedly.

"Yeah, and then we're going cruising and try to get some dates," Cyborg said.

"I have work to do. I need to track down the leads on the latest Red X sighting," Robin said.

"That can wait Rob. Why don't you come out and have fun with us?" Cyborg asked.

"Yeah, come on you know you want to," Beast Boy sing-songed.

Robin just glared at them behind his mask before going back to his bedroom.

_It's the same very night for you. You spend it trying to forget about the past._

_You don't want to see those images of your family. You remember though. You can hear the sounds of circus, the sounds that captivated the first nine years of your life._

_There it is the big tent. It was the place where all your dreams existed. It was the place where your world came crashing down._

_You see it. It's as if you are once again nine years old. There stand your mother and father. It is strange seeing them there because you haven't thought of John Grayson as your father in a long time._

_You loved him and worshipped the ground he walked on. He was everything you wanted to be. He was the hero of your nine year old mind but now you see him for what he was. He was simply a man who loved his family._

_Your mother stands happy. You remember her so vividly. You were her little robin. It was she who gave birth to the identity that is now you._

_You watch as you did then as the wire snaps. As they plummet to their deaths and you try to forget. You try to forget as the memory fades into darkness._

He watched the video tape over and over again. He was examining every movement trying to break down his enemy piece by piece even though he already knew the truth. Red X was smart. X knew every movement and had obviously scouted out the location. X knew the security system. Everything was planned and well coordinated.

Robin rolled his eyes. He had expected the rash person he knew to surface at any moment but instead X had grown to be experienced.

Dick hated doing this. He hated the fact that he was responsible for X. Not just because of the suit but because it was Jason, his little brother. This was Jason that he was going to stop with force if necessary. This was his brother and he couldn't do anything.

He watched as X beat the living daylights out the security guard.

He turned back to the tape. This has to end.

_You look at this man who is more of a father to you than John Grayson could ever be. You see the anger, the disappointment but this time it isn't directed to you. This time it's directed towards the Robin who still works with Batman. This time it's Jason's fault._

_You know that look on Bruce's face. Bruce thinks he's unreadable but you know him better than most people. After all you are his son. He doesn't make even a moment easy. He's so closed off and you're afraid that's what will happen to you and Jason. Will you both be copies of Bruce? Will you both live your lives alone? You leave home and thank God that you're not Jason right now. You don't have to deal with Bruce's drama._

_Then it happens. You get the frantic call while you're working on a case at Titan's Tower and you know in your gut that something has happened to your brother._

_You try not to hear the hopelessness in Alfred's tone, "Come home, Master Dick. Come home."_

_You don't say anything as you leave the Tower. You ignore your teammates. You pass by your friends without giving explanations. You hear their worried answers and you don't care._

_The only time your blank mask breaks is when they lower the coffin. You've just lost you're brother. You're the only Robin left. You never thought it would feel so lonely._

He watched the tape again. He knew it was Jason. He knew because only Jason moved with that reckless grace. Only Jason could land on his feet. He knew and it's killing him.

_You remember how you found that he was Red X. It was one simple swipe of the mask and the taunting in his voice._

"_Hi Dickie, miss me?"_

_At first you didn't believe it. It could be a shape shifter or another delusion. But then you ran the DNA that proved without a doubt that this was Jason._

_You wanted to know how he faked it. How do you fake your own death? He doesn't answer you and it hurts._

_Now you're in your room and the pain is running over. You're screaming in silence and you think no one knows. You think no one knows that you reject John Grayson as your father. You think no one knows that you just want your father, Bruce Wayne, Batman, to be proud of you. You think no one knows that you're afraid of what will happen between you and your brother. You think no one knows that you are avoiding catching Red X because it would kill you to see Jason behind bars. You think no one knows that the mask is you and you are the mask._

_But I know._

_I hear you're screams. I see you in the darkness. I feel you're pain and taste your loneliness. I know it all because I'm so much a part of you that I'm practically you._

_I don't want you to feel so alone. I don't want you to be the one that feels the loneliness in the dark despair of night. I don't want that for you because whether you realize it or not I love you Robin, Richard, Dick._

_I'll never tell you though you know. I know you know. I see it on your face when you sit next to me while I meditate. I see it and I can't do anything because it hurts._

He rubbed his eyes with the back of hand. At first glance he didn't recognize the bedroom. It was too neat and organized to be his room. There were no case papers scattered around or video tapes.

"You look better than you did when you wandered in here," said the monotone.

"I came here?" he asked his voice shaky and uneasy.

She's seating their in the corner in black leotard. She's been their watching over him like some dark angel waiting for him to wake up. Waiting for him to tell her what's wrong.

Raven just rolled her eyes as he gazed at her. She knew what he was afraid but she doesn't dare tell him that she knows everything. That by being linked to him she understands the torture he's going through. She would rather just let him sit there thinking she's not aware of the havoc playing on his emotions.

But she can't do that because he's Dick and she's Rachel.

"You came and lay down next to me. It's the only thing that seems to calm you down anymore," she said.

He doesn't look at her. He knows the truth though he wants to deny it. He doesn't want to love her but he does. It goes beyond love. He needs her and it's killing him to know that along with all the other secrets.

"The others are going to the circus today," he says tonelessly.

She knows what that means to him and doesn't question it. She's been there in the depths of his mind and she can remember his horrors.

"Will you stay with me?" he asked.

"You didn't have to ask. I wasn't going anyway," she answers.

She doesn't want to admit that she wanted to see the acrobats. She wanted to see them because it would remind her of him. She doesn't understand how he finds so much joy in those routines. She loves watching as he does his flips. She loves how his body moves like a perfect athlete.

They sit there the shadow of love upon them. Both of them ignore the constant presence. Preferring to live in shadows and remain friends though their souls scream for them to be lovers.

Years flow and he's no longer with the Titans. He's no longer Robin and Jason is no longer Red X. There's a new Robin, Tim Drake. He's the little brother that Dick desperately needs. The little brother that has to suffer through Jason's casual taunts because he'll never admit he likes the kid.

Nightwing pursues the Red Hood across the Bludhaven skyline. It's the same battle that the two brothers have been fighting for the past five years. The same constant flux of emotions and fighting comes over them whenever they see each other.

Jason's changed from petty thief into a killer. He's been assassinating the criminals of Gotham. It's his way of trying to clean out the city: murder one 'bad guy' at a time. Now he's expanding into Bludhaven. While Bruce might be a bit more lenient on Jason than most villains, Dick isn't.

Nightwing kicks his brother across the face to get the point across. This is his city and Jason isn't going to run havoc in it.

The Red Hood isn't an idiot though. He moves faster than Nightwing expected. He counters every move in a perfect fluid motion.

Neither of them sees the shadow that descended on the opposite side. They don't notice the chanting until they feel dark energy grip them pulling them away from each other.

She walks out the shadows as if it's just another casual event. She's seen this enough times to know that they'll kill each other if she doesn't stop them. She doesn't want that because in some weird way she has grown to love them both.

"You two really need to be put in a time out," she chastises.

"Raven put me down," Dick demands.

"We have to finish what we started," Jason snarled.

She groans. They are like two little boys in constant competition.

"I'm not letting you kill each other," she says coldly. "I'm not burying either one of you. So you can just knock it off. I don't need you two to survive but you sure as hell need me. Or do you both want to find someone else to take care of your wounds?"

They both feel as if they've been slapped and Raven smiles slightly. She has them both right where she wants them and they know it.

Letting them go is easy now that their calmed down. Jason tosses the hood off and smirks at her. She knows his eyes are smiling even if they are hidden by that thin red piece of cloth.

_Dick is so whipped,_ Jason projects.

Raven frowns. _So what are you?_

The smirk disappears off his face in an instant as he looks at his brother.

"You're lucky you met her first," Jason says pointedly.

"Why's that?" Dick asked.

He doesn't like the fact that his brother has a major crush on Raven.

"I would've won her over in a few minutes. I could steal her from you but you don't have much else going on," Jason says still smirking.

Raven just shakes her head. Jason enjoys doing this to Dick because Raven's been waiting for Dick for so long and Jason knows that the waiting is eating her.

She's waiting for Dick to cave to his feelings for her. She's waiting for Dick to hold her and not let go. She waiting for Dick to make love to her and take in his arms. She wants all of that from him but Dick doesn't do that. Besides from a few dates three years ago they're still friends and nothing more. In short she's been waiting for Dick for what feels like forever and somewhere along the way she became friends with Jason.

Jason wasn't someone who waited. He was the most impatient person Raven knew. He kissed her one afternoon because he felt like. He hugged her while masquerading as Red X to piss of Dick. He tried to seduce her with his teasing and hints not only because it annoyed his brother but because he liked her. He made it obvious just how much he liked her with his catcalls and nicknames for her. He talked to her all the damn time and she knew him better than anyone else.

Jason moved against the current while Dick allowed the current to take him. Sometimes she wished they were the same person. It would make her life easier because she loved them both.

The three parted ways. Jason goes back to his beat up apartment that's more like a dungeon than a home while Dick and Raven head back to their apartment. It's a nice cozy place and Raven loves that Dick asked her to move in with him.

She goes to the shower to wash off the night's grime. She never knew how a city like Bludhaven could be so filthy. She doesn't mind though because its bleak surroundings make her feel at home and happy.

Dick's sitting in the dark of his bedroom still in his Nightwing costume. He asked her to move in as friends. Their relationship hadn't been romantic for three years. He was afraid to take that step again. The last time had almost cost them their friendship and he doesn't want that to happen again.

She approaches him like a shadow. She can feel his chaos. It swirls and consumes him during his waking hours. Regardless of her growing feelings for Jason she loves Dick best. She always has and she knows she always will.

"What's wrong?" she asks softly as she touches his shoulder.

He moves away. He knows he's made mistakes. He's almost gotten married twice before. Once to Kori and then to Barbara but he's never asked Raven to marry him though he loves her more than the other two.

Still he knew that Raven feels something for Jason and he hates it. What could Jason give her that he couldn't?

Jason was such a reckless asshole that Dick hated him. He hated the fact that his brother didn't stop. They had tried everything but Jason was persistent. It was like he wanted to die or at the very least make the lives of his family hell. And now Jason wanted the one thing that made Dick's life bearable. He wanted Raven and Dick felt his beautiful dark goddess slipping away from him.

"Do you love me?"

The words are out of his mouth before he even knows it. He didn't mean to ask but there it is the one simple question that's been haunting him since she moved in two months ago.

"More than anything though you make it hard sometimes," she said as she sat down next to him.

He's very much aware that's she's in her black nightgown. He never thought he'd see Raven in such clothing. It shows off every single curve of her body and he finds himself thinking of what she must feel like.

"How do I make it hard?" he asks taking his thoughts away from the nightgown.

"You never give in to it. You fight loving me every step of the way. It's like you think I'm not worthy of you," she whispered. "Who wants damaged goods?"

His eyes widened in horror. She could think that he though of her that way.

"Don't you ever think that," he shouts fiercely.

She nearly jumps away from him but he grasps her wrist tightly. He pulls her to him and she's practically sitting in his lap.

"I don't deserve someone as good as you," he says as he strokes her hair.

She wonders if he's lost his mind. She's not good. He's the good one. She's the one that needs saving.

"You have no idea how many times I wanted to give up but it was your voice that saved me. It was you that made me strong enough to patch up my relationship with Bruce. It was you that made me at least try to save Jason from himself. It was you that encouraged me to get know Tim and forgive my parents for dying. It's always been you. You saved me from marrying Kori and Barbara," he says as he kisses her hair, forehead, and neck.

She's still in shock that he's actually touching her. She shivers slightly as he nips at her neck.

"Dick?" she questions confused.

"I love you, Rachel Raven Roth. I love you so much. Please, don't leave me," he begs. "Everyone leaves me."

"I can't leave you," she whispers as she strokes his hair and removes his mask. "You're too much a part of me. I would die if I didn't have you in my life."

She stares into his blue eyes. She's never seen him look so unsure. Gently she kisses his lips. Her hands run through his dark hair as she straddles him.

"I love you, Nightwing. I love you for being Dick Grayson and Robin. But most of all I love you for being Nightwing," she whispers.

"What about Jason?" he asks.

She just smiles slightly. "He knows I've been waiting for you. I think he thought if he pushed you far enough you'd make a move."

_I'm going to kill him,_ he thinks bitterly but all thought goes out of his head as she kisses him again.

The End


End file.
